“Heads Carolina, Tails California” – Jo Dee Messina

Excavation. This is week two. After 7 days of self-love melody, we enter a week focused on digging out the old. A season that I really never wanted. If you decide its time to excavate, be ready for the dust. It’s coming. Even all the good work of self-love would prove to be just the cornerstone. There was still incredible clean up involved in trying to find my remains. I knew they were in there somewhere and it was time to find them.

In March, I took my youngest to the west coast to visit colleges. We flew into LAX and our adventures took us from San Diego to Santa Barbara. As we planned the trip, I was having a hard time with something and I could not figure out what the wiggle was inside me. As I got honest, I was a regretful. There are things that I always thought about and yet never did. And while I know to some degree that is true for all of us, I have watched two capable and strong women launch from our home and their dreams are as big as the sky. Sometimes I think we have failed in teaching limits because they know no bounds. The world will give them plenty of limits – I just enjoy letting them dream.

That pang of missing out reminded me of some longing wants. I have always wanted to drive a convertible in California. I am a loyal and forever fan of 90210. The OG. Not the trash they called a remix. I’m here for a white 1992 Kelly Taylor convertible. Actually, that’s a lie. I want Dylan’s convertible. And Dylan. I mean, teenage dreams.

I had a chance to spend 5 days behind the wheel. There was nothing more exciting than the lady at LAX telling me, “choose any of these…” My 16 year-old self went straight for the black Mustang. I did. With all the bad girl fun of that car. And I drove it like I meant it all over Southern California.

A few days before the trip, I made a playlist. I have one for everything. And there is no telling what’s on the one about you. I mean…

California. I have some songs about you. The playlist is called “California Love” and I listen to it on the days where I need to escape. Katy sings a banger. Snoop and Dre sing me into LA every time I fly in. TRHCP have one with which that I have shared a moment or two. I don’t ever skip the Eagles. I even include The Mama’s & The Papa’s. I have only been there a handful of times, but there is something about all that is Cali that just lets me not care. As we drove up the coast, I turned on my playlist an the child allowed her mom all of the bass.

But there was one song that caught the fun factor in the car that day. Oh, Jo Dee. You can transport me out of my sticky negative spiderwebs in ways that make my little free spirit 20 year old self come screaming for the wildest of festival fun. I want all the freedom of making my own road. And there is no more important commitment in excavation than pushing for the full experience with all of your passion.

In the same way I let my hair blow in that convertible, excavation has taken a commitment to not taking myself too seriously. It has required me to push through even when it all felt too much. On the days when the struggle to find the RIGHT road has felt too hard, I just follow Jo Dee’s advice. Flip a coin. Because Carolina? California? Both make an adventure come to life. And when you find yourself in the weighty work of the deep dig, you need the songs that allow you to dream and escape.

This is me living my dream of driving a convertible on the PCH.
And a ride through Crenshaw.

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