There are a handful of people that I go to when the pain is too great. They live on a special bookshelf and have a place of honor at my house. Only the wise truth tellers are found on these 3 shelves. I have mentioned a few of them to you already, but there is one voice that can cut through the heavy with bombs of emotional genius. If you don’t know her, stop what you are doing and order her books. Now. My people, it’s time for you to join the Brene Brown fan club.
“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”Brene Brown Rising Strong
Oh, Brene. Why you gotta throw these truth bombs into my path? Here I am, minding my own business of wreckage and you roll up with the knock out truth punch. I want the comfort. I want to be admired and loved and honored. I want to say just enough where people think that I know the things, but not enough that I push myself to feel the discomfort of change. I don’t want to have my ass kicked. Unless, of course, I say that it is time for you to kick my ass and I know you are not really capable of hurting me because you don’t have enough weapons to do damage. Yep. That’s my very best thinking, people.
I am obsessed with Dateline, 48 Hours and all Oxygen and A&E Crime Documentaries. I love watching the investigation. I am fascinated with the way that people think they can commit a crime and cover it up. I can relate to this way of life. I am a master of the well thought-out and supremely organized cover up. No, I have not taken to the streets of hard crime, but I have done equal damage to my own soul with my expert ability to portray the version of Lacy that I want you to see. You like church Lacy? Check. Interested in the sarcasm and foul mouthed story teller, I got you. What about the soul diver? The one who could hit you with 2,020 questions to get at your truth but avoid her own at all costs? Well, hello, my little friend.
The more I unpack, the more that I feel. The more that I feel, the more that I see the damage of being comfortable. Comfort is the lie that tells you that you will be fine. Comfort is that facade that wants you to believe that you are safer in the box. Comfort is the doubt that tells you that you won’t be able to enter the fullness of truth and experience joy at the same time.
But, courage. Freaking courage. Courage is the moment that you admit in your soul that this does not work anymore. Courage is allowing yourself to think ‘what if?’ Courage is knowing that I can’t control the outcome – of responses, perceptions, relationships – and still being willing to walk through the doorways of the unknown. For me, these things are only possible by trusting myself. Knowing that I can tell my truth and still be loved. Trusting that by using my courage muscle, I am creating a bigger circle that not only includes my whole self, but welcomes others that have bought the lie that they are somehow excluded. Courage and vulnerability are the salve on the wounds of inauthentic living. It’s time for me to get to work.